01/04/2011

Well I am all set for college. I have my books, I have everything set for payments & I know where my classes are. Now I just have to not get sick from the butterflies in my tummy. LOL! I will be fine. I know I will. Its the wait that kills me. I have always been that way. Christmas & my birthday almost killed me every year. I so want to know what was in the big shiny boxes or bags (they were the worst because you could so easily just take one small peak, & then run from my mom or sister trying to get me for looking.) You know what they say about the cat, the cream & curiosity? Well Meow.

I called every where this morning trying to find out about my payment. Every where I called referred me back to the VA at the school. So I went there & found that I had to wait till after the finance office reopened from taking a lunch brake (11-1 can I get that lunch brake? Gees) to get my voucher for my books, so I went in search of a new place to eat. I found this weird but clean & great smelling place that served gyros. Its was a gas station (did not see that part till after)/ convenience store. Its run by these three guys that look so Greek that I was waiting to hear some little old mother come out to tell them to get back to work if they slacked for one moment. I grew up next to a family of Greeks, I have herd said yelling. The gyros were spicy in the best way, the pita bread was soft but chewy & the cucumber dressing was so good I wish I had had more. The baklava was made that morning (I asked & was reassured three times that his mother had made it that morning.). I am going to have to go back for the humus next time.  

I am slowly learning what I want my life to be like. I want to work from home primarily. I want a job to pay me so I can afford a life & I want to move across the ocean. I keep coming back to these wants in my life & the echo of Clay's voice telling me he would follow me to the ends of the earth I just have to lead the way. & therein lies the truth of the matter. I have to lead the way. He is not the type to take my hand. I have to take his. I don't have a problem with this. What? Strong personality. Who, me? No, not me. Not the girl that would laugh when someone tells her no & then do it anyway. Not the girl that can move across country two time on her own. Not the girl that spent 8months living all on her own with no cable, barely any internet (yes I have PTS from that experience.) & the closest neighbor was literally 10mls down the road. I found these truths. I hate living alone, my idea of ruffing it still involves indoor pluming & I can do anything & hate when people try to get in my way. I know what I want, I know how to get there, it the waiting that kills me. I have to wait till I finish school to move. I have to wait till I find work & for my Visa or work permit goes through. I have to wait to find my house that I can make my own with my own colors & layout. I just sometimes fell that all I am doing is waiting for my life to start. I know its started & I know that is the part of it that is here to teach me patients but come on already! LOL! (Sigh) I know, I know enjoy what you have now, who knows how long it will last. I know & I do enjoy what I have now, I just want to enjoy what I will have then only now. (Thank you instant society we live in.) We all want everything right now & I am trying to not want everything right now, but darn, its hard. You get use to having everything on hand & now that you have to wait. Well let me just say this, some of us still know how to through tantrums when we want to.  Heres to being a better person & the grace of knowing how to wait. As a ketchup commercial once said "the best things comes to those who wait."

Then again:

Over the past 17 years, the percentage of four-year college and university students who graduate has dipped more than 10 percentage points, despite increases in enrollment, according to the Council for Aid to Education and the National Governors Association. This does not bode well for me.  Only 42 percent of student actually graduate. Heres to not being a part of a percentage.  Thirty percent of college and university students drop out after their first year. Half never graduate, and college completion rates in the United States have been stalled for more than three decades. "The overall record is quite bad, especially for African-Americans and other minorities," says Kati Haycock, president of the Education Trust, a nonprofit group in Washington that works to close achievement gaps. The colleges want us to think everyone graduates, but in fact a huge number don't, and many leave with significant loan debts and job skills totally inadequate in the 21st century. This does not bode well for our country trying to recoup from a major recession. If it persists much longer, this era of high joblessness, minimal at best education will likely change the life course and character of a generation of young adults—and quite possibly those of the children behind them as well. It will leave an indelible imprint on many blue-collar people. It may already be plunging many inner cities into a kind of despair and dysfunction not seen for decades. Ultimately, it is likely to warp our politics, our culture, and the character of our society for years.

There are times when the ideas of the world’s rulers and the institutions through which they govern are adequate to the needs of the era, and there are times–like the present–when they are not.   Walter Russell Mead Can any one else say it time for a change? & People want to know why I don't want to live in the US any more. Austerity policies and the absence of investment has led to a situation that while most economies are now growing slowly, this has not led to an increase in employment.


For the past 30 years, the economy has been driven by public sector, finance and housing. So what will take their place? The strict answer is that nobody needs to identify where future growth will come from — that is the whole point of a market economy. Provided the cost of money is low enough to provide cheap capital and ample incentives for entrepreneurship, new industries will arise to replace declining sectors.   Anatole Kaletsky in the Times

Its time to look else where for where my future lays. I have known for a long time if you are under the age of 30 you may never see social security and yet you will pay 7-8% of all your earnings into this federal payroll TAX. Don't we have a right to invest this money our own way? I have been asking this question for years. I still don't have an answer yet.

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