I get out of the shower and as I'm getting dressed I hear toenails clicking and clacking on the bottom of the tub. There sitting in the tub was Hank. Licking the tub & boofing at me to give him a bath. I don't know whether to be grossed out or just amazed that he keeps begging for a bath. Take what you get I guess.
I finally get him to come lay down on the bed with me and now he's whining at me. I rubbed his belly & you would think for a dog that would be enough. Sigh. I know what he want. I know what I must do. But mmmmoooommm all I want to do is nap & relax all day. I don't want to go to the dog park! (can you hear the feet stomping from there?) Sigh! Being a puppy mom is not easy man. You have sacrifice so much. Like bits of meat off your plate. Or sugar nap peas (btw can't eat them without Hank giving me the starving puppy look.) or going out for long walks in the sun shine where you can get that fresh air thing people keep telling me about. Who needs to run & play & make both of us happy? Lol! Ok, ok, ok! I'll get dressed & we'll go in just a few.
Headphones, water, dog harness & puppy check. Running shoes, cute but cool running close check. Will to lose that weight. Well... Ah, about that. It's waning.
I known I skipped my run day for a dinner date with my honey & I feel bad but not that bad about it. But I also know that tomorrow while I am getting dresses for work, while I am on the third or fourth shirt & pant combo, hating myself for not looking the way I feel I should look & kicking myself for not doing more about it. Some where in there I will look back & ask myself why? Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I keep going through these cycles? I'll lose the weight (not as much as I want but enough to make me happy). Then I go back to gaining the weight. Then hating myself & the whole cycle starts over. Sigh! I eat really healthy food. I eat small meals 6 times a day. I drink a lot, ok maybe not enough, of water. I try to get at lest 8 hours of sleep a night. What am I doing wrong? I try to exercise at lest every other day, I part as far from the door at work as I can. What more can I do?
Well I will get back to you on that one when I figure it out.
I am a firm believer that if it's broken then try to fix it. Nothing gets better unless you change. I know that, I understand that, but sometimes the gumption is very lacking. I have to dig deep & find that happy place where I can move forward instead of this self-hatred I have every time I look in the mirror & don't see what I think should be there. I am getting better. I don't feel sick when looking in the mirror any more. That's a huge step. I know it will get better with work. I know I'm not this ugly tons of fun monster. I know that I am loved & that I love as well. Huge steps forward. Lol! Now if I could get those voices of doubt out of my head I would be so much better. But hey at lest their quieter then they were when I was younger.
Change you are my mistress & I will try to do your bidding. That's all any of us can do.
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