Pain & hurt please let the light come back.

I have been hurt deeply by someone who says they love me. By someone who is suppose to be close to me. Then they tell me I am not seeing from their point of view when they don't even acknowledge my hurt. How am I suppose to forgive someone that is trying to make me out to be the bad guy when I did nothing wrong? How do you forgive someone when they turn their back on you on one of the most important days of your life? How do you forgive a pain that had been building up for years? I tried to forgive all the pain. I tried to be there for that person, but its hard when that person just slaps you away. I tired of always apologizing. Tired of always saying I am sorry. Tried of fighting when there should be nothing to fight about. I am just tired. If you want me in your life it's a two way street to trying & I am tired of trying all on my own. I was not being disrespectful, I give respect to those that have earned it, you have not. You have proven time & time again that all you want from me is to bow to you & you don't care what I am or whom I have become because I have become too independent for your liking. I was forced to become a strong person in my life & you don't like it. I am not going to apologize for myself any more. Nor should you ask me to. If you truly did love me you would want me to be a strong person & be happy for me that I found love in my life. All mean & petty thing we hurt each other with should be left behind. I want to love you, I want to celebrate out lives together, but you make it so hard when you talk of being hurt & disrespected, all you say is you, you, you & never think about other. I realize I sound selfish when I talk about my pain & hurt, but if I don't speak up for myself then who will be my voice? You use to be. You use to be my strength & then you left me. I am not blaming you for leaving, we all do in life but your suppose to be there for me too just as I have always been there for you. I was always there for you when you called & the minute I called for you, you turned your back on me when I needed you most. It's a betrayal not easily forgiven. I am tying but it's hard for me to let go of this pain. It's a wound that has been festering for a very long time & you ripped it wide open. I have a lot of love to give other & I give it freely but when you hurt me deeply how can I give it? When every time I turn around you want an apology for some slight you feel. Well what about the slights I feel? What about all the sideways snide comments you have made to me & mine? & when I ask for am apology I get told that I was in the wrong when everyone can see you are the one in the wrong. I can show anyone what you wright to me & they instantly see that your in the wrong & trying to blame me for your actions. Tell me what am I suppose to do? Tell me how to heal these wounds that run so deep. Tell me how to forgive the pain you have inflicted on me. I love you, I don't even hate you, I want to forgive you but I can't find that light in my heart where forgiveness lives. All I feel is pain & tears flow when I think of you where only love should be. Maybe in time, maybe with love I will find my way back to you, but for now I can't. Please forgive this darkness in my heart I am only human & need time to heal. Time to let the light back in.

Thank you to all those who made my wedding the most joyful day it was. Thank you for all the love you have given me. Thank you for all the kindness you have shown me & thank you for sharing in my happiness. I can never thank you enough, all of you, for all you have done for me. Thank you. All of you mean more to me them I can tell you. You are my light in a world of darkness. Than you for being there for me when I needed you.